IRON my SHIRT BITCH

Hi Guys!

So it happend, I am single again! What up! If you are curious about why I am single again I will answer you. Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Well it's not entirly true (blink), but I had my reasons. Officially, I have my wierd sides and phobias (I know, what a bullshit, right?), and really... well, let's say I promised myself to
boycott every single person who doesn't know what the word boycott means. No, really, true story. I know, and the "boycott" thing happend already two weeks ago, but I didn't want to be
judgemental, wanted to give her a fair start, second chance sort of thing. And I did. Lucky me, because if I didn't, well I'd miss a party...and bimbos...and...well, it was one hell of night. After that I had to tell her how much I like her, how much I want to meet her, but not as her boyfriend, but as a friend. To my satisfaction, she didn't object. So we agreed on that. And mowed on. As Friends. Next week we are going to the same party,
with the same bimbos, and I am wearing a suit. It's gonna be de...wait for it, ...lightful. And it was a clean break up, just awesome. Something I needed in...(let's not focus on the date, I just needed a clean break up very badly).

And not to miss the point of the story. Did I ever mention my fetish? Well it's not that hardcore, it's womens hair. Red to be exact. I don't know why, but they turn me on, doesn't matter
how ugly or old the woman is as long as she has this awesome red hair. And there was this girl... she is 18 (perfect match according to The Bro Code), has long legs, she's tall, has a
beautilful smile, red hair and knows what's boycott mean. Because the girl I've been seeing up till now, she talks for hours, and if there was something smart that was coming out of her mouth
I guess I wouldn't mind, but that sort of uninterresting bullshit...well... You know when you can tell a woman to stop talking and either if she is stupid she will shut up, but a wise man
tells a wise woman that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed. And the girl I've met is a girl who seems wise, awfully sexy, and knows what to tell, when and how. She is
somebody I can meet up in the city during the day without being ashamed of, or worring I might pop into a friend or a neighbour. You know, in a relationship you are looking for some kind of
support. I remember last week, it's been a rough day all day long. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I was
afraid to go to the bathroom. And there was no shoulder on the level of 1,75m beyond the ground I could lie on, come down and wash off. But there wasn't. And no, there was none below 1,75m either.

I've been invited to a wedding, my wonderful cousine decided to destroy some stupid boys life. The poor guy asked me to his best man, I proudly accepted, so he gave me the ring to hold on
to until the celebration and asked me for an advice. Apperantly, I said, you don't know me, nor my marriage politics if you are asking ME those questions. And he surprised me and said,
he asks me precisly because of my low-experiance and high-value-politics on that particular matter.
Still holding on to the little case he gave me I said:

"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."

One of the Letterman Show episodes I've seen back in the FFM had something that reminds of something else, that reminds me of the blog...And I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you read is not what I meant. So step by step...
Step 1. The following statistic appeared in the Letterman Show:
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. Step 2. A propos statistics I read last week that statistic: a good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation Step 3. Having enough off all statistics, being a member of the most important group of our society ( currently unemployed) and enough free time, there is a statistic I've been working on for the last weeks: 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot!

Hope you had fun reading it! Bye!


PS
Put some damn comments so I know that somebody is reading it! It would help my self-esteem as I am going to the next( No 41) job interview in 2 days!!!

DejaVu

~~Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight

It’s 2 am - I’m drunk again it’s heavy on my mind~~

Bullshit! It's 4:15 am as I am writing. And the problem I carry in my heart at the moment is of a simple nature - that's right - chicks! High Five!

I heard today I am not able to commit. And yes, it was a chick who told me this. And that's the bullshit No 2. Because I am all about the commitment. If you disagree - prove me wrong. And maybe I have issues - and who doesn't. Let's go back in time so we can find the source of my worries...

Couple of days ago I was in a hospital. Don't panic!!! I was ok, unless until then... Because the ship I will be board on will go to The Third World countries like Burkina Fasso, I had to get some shots for malaria and stuff. So while I waited in line, like for hours I sat down, across this awesome looking girl in her mid 20s. You know, sweet face, blond hair, long legs, and big, Huuugeee ... lips. And a line to see a doctor in Poland is a totally different world. It's always packed, people are arguing with eachother who should go first, who is in more need to see the doctor and who has been waiting to see the doctor longer. So as soon as some guys wanted to proof to eachother who has more right to see the doc and almost started fighting, we ( meaning me and the girl) got into talking. First how stupid people get, how men need to compare the size of their testicals every single time there are women watching ( it's a metaphore and I've never done that). Then we talked about something else...music, movies, our dreams...it was nice, it felt like a first date. And it was a shared feeling. So we planned on going out some time soon. She gave me her number, I gave her mine, she got called to the doctors office and then she stood up, moving her bag from her lap that covered her belly... she was pregnant, like seven months pregnant (or she had some bad mexican - watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtmjhH0EzZA )...I didn't call her, and yes, I am all about the commitment, but to my own kids. I know, it's hard...

So my morale kicks me in the nuts for not calling her, and I don't know what to do...

...or maybe my problems have different source...

Let's get back in time a little bit further...

The last time I wore a suit... 1st of August 2009... was that my mental funeral and the couse of all the unfortunate? I don't think so...

Because I would like to commit to the girl I see, but I have a huge problem since...

That's right...since that dumb-bitch-redhead-whore cheated on me with this wino-bum. Yeah, I guess that U-turn for me. I have trust issues. As soon, as there is the slightest possibility of myself getting hurt, I hurt, and leave. I think that's why I want to be a sailor so much. I won't get burned so much.

I miss you all guys. Even know, when I listen to Dave singing, I hear your voices singing along, screaming in my head. And I feel like in the old good times. Happy Days.

So I will try to put myself back together and commit to somebody I wish to love someday...

...or I will suit up again!!!


What-up!!!

D - Day + 44

Hi Everybody!

Polish bureaucracy is killing me, every single of my papers I need to get in order to get on board comes with a delay. So according to the officials, the last certificate will be handed to me on the 9th of October, which leaves us a LOT of time left for our last meeting before me leaving.

Here with I'd like to invite you all, my dear blog readers for a weekend at my mansion. I would be more then happy to have you over sometime between the 1st and the 5th of October. There will be lot of booze, good music and great fun, and most of all - I'll be there... (so even If you won't come, I will have a hell of a time).

So let me know, all interested, I will most certainly help organize your journey, your stay and anything else included in getting your sorry asses over here.

I should apologize you for not writing anything for such a long time. I was busy...yes, with a girl, yes with THE girl, and no, I DON'T love THE girl...

Someday I will recall the this, my dear friends, and listen carefully, because I am about to drop some knowledge...

Why do I like Bimbos???

1. They make me happy
2. They make me feel alive
3. They make me want to pretend to be a better man
4. They are confused
5. They have vacant, trusting stares
6. They have sluggish, unencumbered minds
7. They have daddy issues
8. They love me, or at least whoever I tell them “me” is
9. They are always there for me, you can always find one around
10. You can usually find one in a thin crust style
11. They make me feel even smarter than I normally do
12. They always have hydrogen peroxide in their cupboards, so if you get a cut, it’s safe to be with one of them
13. Their mouths usually hang open anyways
14. They always let you win at chess…or go fish…or chutes and ladders. And maybe the term isn’t “let you win…”
15. They aren’t HER

(To ALL FEMALE readers of my blog - don't ever say I am a sexist or I will sue, you Grinch!)

And probably after I will recall those 15 Articles I will, like any self respecting man (and I do mean MAN) brush off my suit, have it dry cleaned and pressed, then use its well-tailored charms to work my way back into the good graces of man many women everywhere.

So, until I am still on the land, I will not shit on my own yard, because my city is a small one, and I'd rather my reputation not to precede me. But when I will travel around the globe, hell, I will have the time of my life...

And seriously, I am happy, she makes my happy. I am aware of how featherish women are, but I feel well.

Hope to see you all very soon!!!

High Five!!!