Hello! Hello!
Today I will tell you a story, a story that puts me in the position where I don't know wheter to laugh or cry. Because I don't cry, like ever, I guess I will laugh. So, before I get to the core of the story, first a little background...
My cousine, like most of this particular part of my family and like most of the women from this part of the family, is a hair dresser. She has a great talent, too. But not to work. It's picking the wrong guys. 11 years ago she got pregnant with a guy, who turned out to be the biggest car thief in the region. He got caught minutes after they married. Why? Because he decided to change his surname to hers, so the judge had to verify him. At least they let them finish the ceremony. So got busted for over 50 acts of grand theft auto, corruption, illigal trade, and the charge of an organized criminal group. Pretty much every single guy who did get close to her is behind the bars. She is sort of a mug magnet. So at the age of 30 she decided to get her high school graduation. As a favour for a new hair cut I offered her help with some of the school stuff. The problems started with changing partial fractions into decimal fractions. After 30 minutes of hard explanation of how to convert these, we had to convert kilometers into meters... Well, it didn't give me any pleasure while teaching her, but the fun I had afterwards – priceless. I know, by laughing my ass of behind her back I am looking like a dush, but...
A couple of days back she required my help again. I came over to her place, where next to her lovely daughter was an other girl, my cousines age. Smoking hot, awesome looking... and that was it. Apperantly, my sweet cousine wanted me to go out with her. They met at school, they are both hair dressers, so they found common interrests. Because both had a problem in math and physics she invited her along. For the whole hour I tried to focus on the subject, not her boobs, and they were AWESOME. Then she went to bathroom, me and my cousine went on the balcony to enjoy our cigarette. She asked me if I liked her friend. I said she is very pretty (I didn't want to tell her she wasn't that bright). Would you go out with her, she asked. Hell yeah! I said. She has a great figure, hasn't she? asked she. Yes, I said. After a longer pause she continued: Having that great body after two kids, how the hell does she manage it? That was the point when my jaw droped, I started to choke, and almost died throwing my self over the balcony. Later that evening, after the girl left (and she was horny!), I spoke to my beloved family member, telling her that the next time she wants to fix me up with somebody, she better be childless – it's kind of a deal breaker for me.
Well, guess who I jumped into when I walked the dog tonight? Yes, the awesome-looking-horny-hair-dresser-bimbo-alike-mother-of-two-children-girl. And she asked if I could come for a dinner on the friday next week, because her mother will take the kids for the whole weekend... I had an alibi, first time, a legit one. I will be on a ship...
As much as I'd like to shag her, never shag mothers, unless they are mothers of your children...no, wait...never shag mothers. You know why? Have you ever seen Jerry Maguire? You see how he ended up? And you think he was HAPPY??? C'mon, those were not tears of joy, ok. You complete me? It was the 90s', people were not as progressiv...
So, as for now, I board on the 15th of October, on a cruise ship, between Poland and Sweden. I will stay there until the 29th. Couple of days after I will board another ship, a container, crossing between Baltic and the Mediterrenean waters until the end of January 2010. For my studies I will have to run a Deck Diary. Probably will write two versions anyway. The one for the school and the one for you!
I will try to stay in touch with you as often as it's possible!
Take care!
PS2.
If anybody asks you, FDDD is the last step/way for saving your sorry asses from a sinking ship.
FDDD stands for Fucking Dry Drifting Door:)
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